Rules of Acquisition

[Omet'Ikilan]

I figured some people might want the Rules of Acquisition

Rule 001 » Once you have their money, you never give it back.

Rule 002 » The best deal is the one that brings the most profit.
Rule 003 » Never spend more for an acquisition than you have to.
Rule 004 » A woman wearing clothes is like a man in the kitchen.
Rule 006 » Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity.
Rule 007 » Keep your ears open.
Rule 008 » Small print leads to large risk.
Rule 009 » Opportunity plus instinct equals profit.
Rule 010 » Greed is eternal.
Rule 011 » Even if it's free, you can always buy it cheaper.
Rule 012 » Anything worth doing is worth doing for money.
Rule 013 » Anything worth doing is worth doing twice.
Rule 014 » Keep your family close, keep your Latinum closer.
Rule 016 » A deal is a deal. (until a better one comes along).
Rule 017 » A contract is a contract is a contract - but only between Ferengi.
Rule 018 » A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all.
Rule 019 » Satisfaction is not guaranteed.
Rule 020 » Only give money to people you know you can steal from.
Rule 021 » Never place friendship before profit.
Rule 022 » A wise man can hear profit in the wind.
Rule 024 » Latinum can't buy happiness, but you can sure have a blast renting it.
Rule 025 » There's always a way out.
Rule 026 » As the customers go, so goes the wise profiteer.
Rule 027 » There's nothing more dangerous than an honest businessman.
Rule 028 » Whisper your way to success.
Rule 029 » What's in it for me?
Rule 031 » Never make fun of a Ferengi's mother. (insult something he cares about, instead).
Rule 033 » It never hurts to suck up to the boss.
Rule 034 » War is good for business.
Rule 035 » Peace is good for business.
Rule 037 » If it's free, take it and worry about hidden costs later.
Rule 039 » Friendship is temporary; profit is forever.
Rule 040 » She can touch your lobes, but never your Latinum.
Rule 041 » Profit is its own reward.
Rule 042 » What's mine is mine, and what's yours is mine too.
Rule 044 » Never confuse wisdom with luck.
Rule 045 » Ambition knows no family.
Rule 046 » Make your shop easy to find.
Rule 047 » Don't trust a man wearing a better suit than your own.
Rule 048 » The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife.
Rule 049 » Everything is worth something to somebody.
Rule 050 » Gratitude can bring on generosity.
Rule 051 » Reward anyone who adds to your profits so they will continue to do so.
Rule 052 » Never ask when you can take.
Rule 057 » Good customers are as rare as Latinum, Treasure them.
Rule 058 » There is no substitute for success.
Rule 059 » Free advice is seldom cheap.
Rule 060 » Keep your lies consistent.
Rule 062 » The riskier the road, the greater the profit.
Rule 065 » Win or lose, there's always Huyperian beetle snuff.
Rule 068 » Ear stroking will get you anything.
Rule 069 » Ferengi are not responsible for the stupidity of other races.
Rule 072 » Never trust your customers.
Rule 073 » If it gets you profit, sell your own mother.
Rule 075 » Home is where the heart is, but the stars are made of Latinum.
Rule 076 » Every once in a while, declare peace. "It confuses the hell out of your enemies".
Rule 077 » It's better to swallow your pride than to lose your profit.
Rule 078 » When the going gets tough, the tough change the Rules.
Rule 079 » Beware of the Vulcan greed for knowledge.
Rule 082 » The flimsier the product, the higher the price.
Rule 084 » A friend is not a friend if he asks for a discount.
Rule 085 » Never let the competition know what you're thinking.
Rule 087 » A friend in need means three times the profit.
Rule 089 » Ask not what your profits can do for you, ask what you can do for your profits.
Rule 092 » There are many paths to profit.
Rule 093 » Act without delay! The sharp knife cuts quickly.
Rule 094 » Females and finances don't mix.
Rule 095 » Expand or die.
Rule 096 » For every Rule, there is an equal and opposite Rule, (except when there's not).
Rule 097 » Enough... is never enough.
Rule 098 » Every man has his price.
Rule 099 » Trust is the biggest liability of all.
Rule 100 » If they take your first offer, you either asked too little or offered too much.
Rule 101 » The only value of a collectible is what you can get somebody else to pay for it.
Rule 102 » Nature decays, but Latinum lasts forever.
Rule 103 » Sleep can interfere with...
Rule 104 » Faith moves mountains... (of inventory).
Rule 105 » Don't trust anyone who trusts you.
Rule 106 » There is no honor in poverty.
Rule 107 » A warranty is valid only if they can find you.
Rule 109 » Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack.
Rule 111 » Treat people in your debt like family, exploit them [ruthlessly].
Rule 112 » Never have sex with the boss' sister.
Rule 113 » Always have sex with the boss.
Rule 115 » The best contract always has a lot of fine print.
Rule 116 » There's always a catch.
Rule 117 » Everything is for sale, including friendship.
Rule 119 » Never judge a customer by the size of his wallet, (...sometimes, good things come in small packages).
Rule 121 » Everything is for sale, including friendship.
Rule 123 » Even a blind man can recognize the glow of Latinum.
Rule 125 » You can't make a deal if you're dead.
Rule 126 » Count it.
Rule 127 » Stay neutral in conflict so that you can sell supplies to both sides.
Rule 135 » Never trust a beneficiary.
Rule 139 » Wives serve, brothers inherit.
Rule 141 » Only fools pay retail.
Rule 142 » There's no such thing as an unfair advantage.
Rule 143 » Risk is part of the game... play it for all it's worth.
Rule 144 » There's nothing wrong with charity...as long as it winds up in your pocket.
Rule 146 » Necessity, n. The mother of invention. Profit is the father.
Rule 152 » A lie is a way to tell the truth to someone who doesn't know.
Rule 153 » Sell the sizzle, not the steak.
Rule 162 » Even in the worst of times, someone turns a profit.
Rule 169 » Competition and fair play are mutually exclusive.
Rule 171 » Blood is thicker than water, and Latinum is thicker than both.
Rule 172 » Chances aren't what they used to be.
Rule 177 » Know your enemies... but do business with them always.
Rule 181 » Not even dishonesty can tarnish the shine of profit.
Rule 188 » A fool and his money is the best customer.
Rule 189 » Let others keep their reputation. You keep their money.

Rule 190 » Hear all, trust nothing.

Rule 191 » A Ferengi waits to bid until his opponents have exhausted themselves.

Rule 192 » Never cheat a Klingon... unless you're sure you can get away with it.

Rule 194 » It's always good business to know about new customers before they walk in your door.

Rule 200 » If you're going to have to endure, make yourself comfortable.

Rule 202 » The justification of profit is profit.

Rule 203 » New customers are like razor-backed Gree worms... They can be succulent, but sometimes they bite back!

Rule 204 » It takes a Ferengi to cheat a Ferengi.

Rule 208 » Sometimes the only thing more dangerous than a question is an answer.

Rule 211 » Employees are the rungs on the ladder of success... don't hesitate to step on them.

Rule 214 » Never begin a business negotiation on an empty stomach.

Rule 216 » Never gamble with an empath.

Rule 217 » You can't free a fish from water.

Rule 218 » Always know what you're buying

Rule 219 » Possession is 11/10 of the law.

Rule 223 » Beware the man who doesn't make time for oo-mox.

Rule 229 » Latinum lasts longer than lust.

Rule 231 » There's a sucker born every minute; be sure you're the first to find each one.

Rule 236 » You can't buy fate.

Rule 239 » Never be afraid to mislabel a product.

Rule 241 » Never trust a hardworking employee.

Rule 242 » More is good... all is better.

Rule 253 » Synthehol is the lubricant of choice for a customer's stuck purse.

Rule 255 » A wife is a luxury... a smart accountant, a necessity.

Rule 256 » Accountants do not play the game; they only keep the score.

Rule 260 » Life's not fair. How else would you turn a profit?

Rule 261 » A wealthy man can afford anything except a conscience.

Rule 262 » A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.

Rule 263 » Never allow doubt to tarnish your lust for Latinum.

Rule 265 » The customer is always right, (...until you get their cash).

Rule 266 » When in doubt, lie.

Rule 267 » If you believe it, they believe it.

Rule 270 » In business deals, a disruptor can be almost as important as a calculator.

Rule 277 » Anything worth fighting for is worth hiding from.

Rule 284 » Deep down, everyone's a Ferengi.

Rule 285 » No good deed ever goes unpunished.

Rule 286 » When Morn leaves, it's all over. (Quark made this rule up)

Rule 299 » Whenever you exploit someone, it never hurts to thank them. That way, it's easier to exploit them the next time. (Neelix made this rule up)




The Unwritten Rule
»
When no appropriate Rule applies, make one up!

[Toad]

W W

[Ronevick]

Holy hell! Did you piece that together yourself?

[WeAz]

whered you get that???

[Robsladey]

lol 299 what a number.

Like anyone could remember all of those.

[Defiant]

VERY cool man. All you gotta do is find the site! They have a book of them, so its a simple matter of getting them from the book.

[1/1]

LOL. Some of those are hilarious.

[gul Lemek III.]

Yeah, and I think that the writers did an outstanding work with making them all up

[Solitary Poet]

I’ve been doing some research on the subject and your rules don’t match the ones that I found by actually watching Deep Space Nine. Can we have some episode titles to go with some of those rules?

No wait, I was wrong but episode titles would still be nice.

The following is the Ferengi Capitalist Rules of Acquisition:

# #1: Once you have their money, you never give it back. "The Nagus"
# #3: Never spend more for an Acquisition than you have to. "The Maquis, Part II"
# #6: Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity. "The Nagus"
# #7: Keep your ears open. "In the Hands of the Prophets"
# #8: Small print leads to large risk.
# #9: Opportunity plus instinct equals profit. "The Storyteller"
# #10: Greed is eternal. "Prophet Motive"
# #13: Anything worth doing is worth doing for money.
# #16: A deal is a deal ...until a better one comes along. "Melora"
# #18: A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all. "Heart of Stone" & "Ferengi Love Songs"
# #19: Satisfaction is not guaranteed. "Meridian"
# #21: Never place friendship before profit. "Rules of Acquisition"
# #22: A wise man can hear profit in the wind. "Rules of Acquisition"
# #27: There's nothing more dangerous than an honest businessman.
# #31: Never make fun of a Ferengi's mother ...insult something he cares about, instead. "The Siege"
# #33: It never hurts to suck up to the boss. "Rules of Acquisition"
# #34: War is good for business. "Destiny" and "The Siege of AR-558"
# #35: Peace is good for business. "Destiny"
# #40: She can touch your lobes, but never your Latinum.
# #41: Profit is its own reward.
# #44: Never confuse wisdom with luck.
# #47: Don't trust a man wearing a better suit than your own. "Rivals"
# #48: The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife. "Rules of Acquisition"
# #52: Never ask when you can take.
# #57: Good customers are as rare as Latinum. Treasure them. "Armageddon Game"
# #58: There is no substitute for success.
# #59: Free advice is seldom cheap. "Rules of Acquisition"
# #60: Keep your lies consistent.
# #62: The riskier the road, the greater the profit. "Rules of Acquisition" & "Little Green Men"
# #65: Win or lose, there's always Huyperian beetle snuff.
# #74: Knowledge equals profit. VOY "Inside Man"
# #75: Home is where the heart is, but the stars are made of Latinum. "Civil Defense"
# #76: Every once in a while declare peace--It confuses the hell out of your enemies. "The Homecoming"
# #79: Beware of the Vulcan greed for knowledge.
# #82: The flimsier the product, the higher the price.
# #85: Never let the competition know what you're thinking.
# #89: Ask not what your profits can do for you; ask what you can do for your profits.
# #94: Females and finances don't mix. "Ferengi Love Songs" and "Profits and Lace"
# #95: Expand or die. VOY "False Profits"
# #97: Enough... is never enough.
# #98: Every man has his price."In the Pale Moonlight"
# #99: Trust is the biggest liability of all.
# #102: Nature decays, but Latinum lasts forever. "The Jem'Hadar"
# #104: Faith moves mountains... of inventory.
# #106: There is no honor in poverty.
# #109: Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack. "Rivals"
# #111: Treat people in your debt like family--exploit them. "Past Tense, Part I" and "The Darkness and the Light"
# #112: Never have sex with the boss's sister. "Playing God"
# #113: Always have sex with the boss.
# #121: Everything is for sale, even friendship.
# #123: Even a blind man can recognize the glow of Latinum.
# #125: You can't make a deal if you're dead."The Siege of AR-558"
# #139: Wives serve. Brothers inherit. "Necessary Evil"
# #141: Only fools pay retail.
# #144: There's nothing wrong with charity... as long as it winds up in your pocket.
# #162: Even in the worst of times someone turns a profit.
# #168: Whisper your way to success. "Treachery, Faith, and the Great River"
# #177: Know your enemies... but do business with them always.
# #181: Not even dishonesty can tarnish the shine of profit.
# #189: Let others keep their reputation. You keep their money.
# #190: Hear all, trust nothing. "Call to Arms"
# #192: Never cheat a Klingon... unless you're sure you can get away with it.
# #194: It's always good business to know about new customers before they walk in your door. "Whispers"
# #202: The justification of profit is profit.
# #203: New customers are like razor-toothed Greeworms--They can be succulent, but sometimes they bite back! "Little Green Men"
# #208: Sometimes the only thing more dangerous than a question is an answer. "Ferengi Love Songs"
# #211: Employees are the rungs on the ladder of success--don't hesitate to step on them. "Bar Association"
# #214: Never begin a business negotiations on an empty stomach. "The Maquis, Part I"
# #217: You can't free a fish from water. "Past Tense, Part I"
# #218: Always know what you're buying.
# #223: Beware the man who doesn't make time for oo-mox.
# #229: Latinum lasts longer than lust. "Ferengi Love Songs"
# #236: You can't buy fate.
# #242: More is good... all is better.
# #255: A wife is a luxury... a smart accountant a necessity.
# #261: A wealthy man can afford anything except a conscience.
# #263: Never allow doubt to tarnish your lust for Latinum. "Bar Association"
# #266: When in doubt, lie.
# #284: Deep down, everyone's a Ferengi.
# #285: No good deed ever goes unpunished."The Sound of Her Voice"

[Ziyal]

I thought that one episode on voyager was funny....about the false profits they replicated the rules of acquisition for the poor natives

[Jadzia Lenara Dax]

[moved to DS9, pertains to the Ferengis, who are mainly in DS9. jad.]

[Solitary Poet]

They were in TNG first!

[Ronevick]

Yes, but we see a lot more of them in DS9.

[starnova]

because a ferenge runs the bar

[Sonic74205]

I have the rules of aquisition in my room that i got from the startrek section of the Hilton Hotel in Vegas. It's Majorly Kool

[gul Lemek III.]

Really? Man, I gotta have one of these. It's a shame, I know, but i don't have a single Star Trek relic

[pidgeonqueen]

Thats a lot of rules . . . . *shakes head* some people have way too much time on their hands . . . thanks for posting it though its cool . . .

[Omet'Ikilan]

WOW....I posted this almost a year ago and its come back...huh

[Solitary Poet]

[3 of 7]

Wow, that's alot of rules! And some of them are hilarious!

[starnova]

you must do alot of detective work

[Founder]

[starnova]

ya
i am guessing something about a bet or gamble